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lyrics

I saw a ghost inside my room
It didn’t say much, just looked like you

I reacquainted myself with bare walls after taking your paintings down
Thumbtacks left holes in the drywall, but they hold up nothing now
And silence used to make sense
We shared it comfortably amongst ourselves
Now silence is a pretense
It thinly veils unknotted ends in conversations we won’t have

Found myself kneeling for the first time in years
Praying for the loss of feeling, I collapsed on the stairs
And said “if you’re still listening, and if you ever did
take her touch from my memory
Take her smile, take her laugh
Take it all and let me forget"

But I got used to loneliness
the same way a body
Gets used to pain
It dulls with age
A dislocation exposed
And covered in bandaids
It doesn’t heal
But stays in place
I saw a ghost inside my room
It didn’t say much but I wished that it would
And honestly the silence bounces off my bare walls
Far more cacophonously than your voice ever could

Found myself kneeling for the first time in years
Praying for cracks in the ceiling
for the roof to cave in

You used to say we’re all only greys
We're all the same kind of dark but in different ways
Together we’re heathered, evenly displayed
And we are seen despite the darkest of our shades
So then who is of goats and who is of sheep
If we’re holy and sinful and somewhere in between?
All I know is that I was alone and collapsing
With a fistful of pills, god still wouldn’t intervene

So I had to save me

credits

from Fresh Faced & Effervescent, released August 6, 2020

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The Fairview Boston, Massachusetts

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