1. |
Stagnancy
03:25
|
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|
Feigning independence,
caught a train, ignored your message,
rode from Quincy to Alewife and back again.
You’re my anti-depressant,
my coffee, my cig, and the headache
I get when I act like I don’t need them.
Sometimes I wish I saw myself
from your point of view.
But then,
if you called it quits, said go fuck yourself,
I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to blame you.
When we first met,
I was sleeping through high school,
a creature of impulse, fueled by desire.
My hair covered my eyes
to disguise my gaze on the past tense.
The past tense had swept in and out
of my decision-making process,
each mistake a consequence of that.
You were so bold to speak to my potential,
and I’ve been so behind on paying it back.
Are you bored of sorting through my baggage?
And when I’m inevitably tied to the tracks
of my own train of thought,
will you cut the rope or turn your back to me?
Cultivated codependence,
called your phone, left you a message,
and you showed up at my apartment again.
You said “I hate when you play helpless,”
wrapped your arms around my neck and said
“I wish I saw what happens in your head.”
You see, the fear is getting comfortable
and losing my control over all my annoying habits,
my tendency to panic over
every tiny detail and the space that each inhabits.
I’m exhausted by the subject.
Are you bored of sorting through my baggage?
And when I’m inevitably tied to the tracks
of my own train of thought,
will you cut the rope or turn your back to me?
Are you bored of dealing with my bullshit?
If I’m honest, I’ve been so stagnant.
Barely functioning,
so afraid you’ll find someone better and leave.
She said “Is that what you think of me?”
She said “Is that what you think of me?”
She said “Is that what you think of me?
Is that what you think of me?
Is that what you think of me?
Is that what you think of me?
Is that what you think?”
|
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2. |
Old Friend
02:56
|
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|
I mark your absence with the passing weeks
and wonder
if you’re delighted by the silence.
You think I’m treading but my head’s been underwater.
Lungs filled, quietly drowning.
I stopped noticing the static.
It takes the shape of forward motion over time.
And words that used to rhyme just sound discordant.
The chords of a chorus are droning on
in the background of my mind,
but they’re not mine.
If you want the truth,
I only woke up just to talk to you.
The rest was filler at best.
And I will trade and barter
to derive a healthy state of mind
from this hurt I’ve harbored,
while you’re doing okay.
You remind me of an old friend I knew.
You remind me of a habit I outgrew.
(You remind me)
You remind me of an old friend I knew.
(You remind me)
You remind me of a habit I outgrew.
I guess I’m better off
clinging to half-happy thoughts
I guess I’m better off
clinging to half-happy thoughts
|
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3. |
Different Pages
03:37
|
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|
I once told you my worst fear was
waking up and
turning on my side and not recognizing
the person in my bed.
So tell me why I’m sitting alone
missing your calls, turning over my phone,
burning up all the pictures of us I own.
It’s all a blur, a picture of bare backs,
sheets undone, familiar squeaks of a mattress.
And the worst part was thinking
that we were getting back on track.
So where’s your integrity?
Where’s your sense of loyalty?
We’re in the same story
on completely different pages.
Where’s your integrity?
Where’s your sense of dignity?
We’re in the same building
in completely different spaces.
People talk.
They always tell me what you’re saying,
what you’re doing, who you’re talking to,
and what a mess you are.
Like it’s my business anymore,
and like I put you in the rearview,
but if I’m completely truthful you’re
still on my passenger side
fiddling with the radio.
And I want to drop you off,
but I don’t want to drive alone.
So where’s your integrity?
Where’s your sense of loyalty?
We’re in the same story
on completely different pages.
Where’s your integrity?
Where’s your sense of dignity?
We’re in the same building
in completely different spaces.
(x2)
I’m holding out for the day
that you tell me you’re sorry.
But I don’t expect that much from you.
No, don’t act like I’m unreasonable.
Of course I took it personal.
Where’s your integrity?
Where’s your integrity?
Of course I took it personal.
Where’s your integrity?
Where’s your sense of loyalty?
We’re in the same story
on completely different pages.
Where’s your integrity?
Where’s your sense of dignity?
We’re in the same building
in completely different spaces.
(x2)
|
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4. |
Maverick
02:51
|
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|
So I’ve reached a stalemate
on an avenue’s edge seeing double
of the traffic ahead.
Haven’t worked up the courage to move yet.
I think I made myself sick.
‘Cause I called and I called,
and I don’t blame you for not picking up.
‘Cause every instance that you need me,
I’m fucking up.
And I fucked up.
And there’s pressure in my lungs,
and I’m biting on my tongue again.
Pressing me to stop,
but instead I’m self-immolating.
Waking up just to do it another time.
I brush myself off and I cut up another line.
I think you must have made me this way.
Oh god, I made myself this way.
If quitting’s not caring, but it’s tearing me up,
I suppose you’ll have to find me here
and call my bluff.
If quitting’s not caring, but it’s tearing me up,
I suppose you’ll have to find me here
and call my bluff.
(x4)
(Are you bored of sorting through my baggage?
And when I’m inevitably tied to the tracks
of my own train of thought,
will you cut the rope or turn your back to me?)
|
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